Repost: Open Letters to a Mistress

I have long been contemplating if this post will ever get published.  Sometimes I feel it isn’t the right time yet so my cursor just hovers above the “publish” button and never got around to pressing it.  Maybe now the right time has come – I dunno.

I just feel that on my parents’ wedding anniversary, the timing’s right.  Because this post says a lot about how their marriage lasted and how because they didn’t give in to temptation, their union was blessed and we, their kids were also blessed with a complete family. A wish and prayer that I want my kid/s to experience as well.

The main thing about posting this is I’d like to have a particular someone read this because this one’s really for her.  I know that you’ve been following my blog and reading my posts, even analyzing and confirming my stories to someone close to me. So I hope that you get to read this and know that this one’s intended for you.

What do I expect from sharing this?  Hmm..that you…just STOP.  And please don’t play dumb and cut that hopeless act, you know what I mean.


As I was browsing through some sites about affairs, I came across these open letters.  I’d like to share excerpts from them because I find these words meaningful and they say a lot about infidelity, sensibility and pure delicadeza.

In some cases, I’ll add some of my own thoughts –

What I know and what I wonderI know you knew about me because you knew he was married when you started throwing yourself at him… I know you think you two hid the affair well from coworkers and friends but I wonder how many of them have long suspected something was going on?…I know you obviously have no self-esteem or respect for yourself or your fellow woman, but I wonder if you realize that yet?…I know you’re being used in a sick game in which it seems like he has all the power, but I wonder if you know you can quit playing at any time you so choose?…I know one day you’ll regret all of these decisions and actions, because every action has a separate and equal reaction … but I wonder if you’ve even begun to repent for your sins?…I know everyone thinks I should I hate you but I wonder if you know that I don’t? I don’t hate you, dear mistress. No, hate would be too strong, and too vulgar an emotion to waste on you. In reality I pity you. I feel sorry for you because just as I will move past this, so shall you. The difference is, I come out with clean hands and a pure heart. You, on the other hand, have no idea the pain and despair that will someday come to you. For the universe has a way of seeking justice that no courts, no violence, and no person will ever be able to equal. For you, dear mistress, will someday know my pain; because it may not be tomorrow, it may not be next month and it may not be next year, but I know that someday you’ll love a man so completely that you’ll never imagine he could violate that trust in such a shameful way … but he will. Then – and only then – will we be “even,” as the saying goes. You will never know my sorrow, my mourning at unfulfilled dreams, my grief at a family lost, until you experience it for yourself…This is the one thing that I don’t have to wonder about … because this I know will happen to you…I know I will look back on this time as the hardest, most draining experience of my life, but I know I will be made stronger for it. I will survive this storm with dignity and grace but I wonder how will you?

True.  What goes around, comes around.  It’s the Law of Karma.  Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.  The writer of the above note said it well, the difference is she’ll come out of it with a pure heart knowing that she didn’t violate anyone.  The mistress, on the other hand, would wait for her misdeeds to spring back to her…and the waiting’s just the half of it.  The actual blow would be more destructive.  Payback (for lack of a better term) may happen directly to you or to someone really important to you that his or her pain would break your heart too.

I hate you.  That pretty much goes without saying, but some day’s it makes me feel better to say it. Today, happens to be one of those days…I want to be able to kiss my husband without sometimes feeling the overwhelming sense of nausea that I endure when the thought of you enters my mind…
The problem is, I don’t know if you will ever be gone. When you made the choice to enter into a relationship with someone that you knew was married, you completely ruined my life, and my children’s lives. I am forever changed, knowing that my life for a period of time, when I was living it was a lie. You took that life away from me…Besides that fact that you flirted, kissed, and slept with my husband, you had the nerve to bring your kid into the situation. How the hell could you do that? What kind of a mother does that to a kid? And then you confront me and try to make me the bad guy? HA!!! I was not the whore sleeping with someone who was MARRIED!!!!…I hope that someday you find someone that you love more than anything in the world, they way I love/d my husband, and I hope that some nasty, ugly whore comes and takes him from you and you can feel 1/10th of the pain that I continue to feel almost a year after all of this has happened…I hate you.

This excerpt shows how it really is.  There’s anger and paranoia and disbelief that it’s happening to you.  And yes, it has the same theme as the one above. The mistress has caused pain and maybe because she doesn’t realize or just simply doesn’t care of the hurt she inflicts to others, she continues with it.  But the world is round, and just wait when the tides change and it happens to the mistress.  But you know, I don’t think that having the mistress experience the exact same thing is getting even…it would be more gratifying if Karma has something else in store for her. 

And bringing in her (the mistress) own child and family into the picture is over the top.  I wonder why – is it pretending theirs is a normal, regular relationship when obviously it isn’t or an act of desperation as she can’t obviously have her own family…hmmm.   Playing house with someone you’re not supposed to be with is a sick game.  It kills the real family and it robs the mistress and her family the chance of finding someone she can truly call her own.  It’s always going to be pretend, never real.

I’m writing this letter to all of you who are known affectionately as the other woman, the mistress, or the kept woman. I’m writing this letter to encourage you to walk away from a relationship that is going no where fast and will indefinitely leave you with unspeakable heartache…Now I know you may be saying and asking, if he loves his wife so much, why is he with me? The answer is simple…because you’re there. You may even believe that you exude confidence because you have the temporary attention of someone else’s mate, but the truth of the matter is that if you were truly confident within, you would not even think about being with another woman’s husband, and you are using this relationship to stroke your ego…I know you may also be thinking about the many men who have left their wives for the ‘other woman’ and you see how seemingly successful their relationships are, but you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors, and you should really ask yourself if you want a relationship with a man who has limited morals and values when it comes to marriage…but then again, if you continue to stay in a relationship with a married man, what does that say about you and your morals and values…Ouch!

This one’s a letter urging mistresses to walk away from the illicit affair.  It’s as if saying if you’re expecting an ever after, think again.  In fact, if I remember correctly, only 3% of extramarital affairs prosper to marriage. Not really sure where I got this, but it’s in my brain bank so might have read or heard that somewhere.  

I really like the last line…because it’s true.  What does it say about the morals of the mistress.  Makes you question as well, what kind of upbringing was she brought up on and what kind of family she has for condoning her.

There are many more letters of this kind on the net.  And there’s a single theme that connects them – pain.  A pain so unimaginable for the real family. That’s why I don’t understand and cannot accept the mistress mindset. What kind of human being would willingly and knowingly hurt another human being – such a low and cruel thing to do.  Some say that it just happened and it wasn’t planned. Maybe, but you can always stop and get out of it. What’s keeping you? The idea that you think you’ve outdone the wife? The thrill of keeping it a secret…for how long?  Won’t you get tired of being hidden? Or are you starting to or wanting to demand, but you know you’re not in the position to ask for more?
This topic has grown close to me because I have heard of sad stories from friends and know someone who’s in it now.  It pains me that good marriages are challenged because of the presence of a 3rd party.  Whether it’s online flirting, casual dating or “special friendship” etc, it’s still a violation of the sanctity of marriage…and only someone who lacks morals can completely disregard that.
I long for the day when people play fair and they don’t take what isn’t theirs. Very basic rules that are forgotten and neglected.
What’s your take on this?

Filed under: Home & Family

14 thoughts on “Repost: Open Letters to a Mistress

  1. I hope and pray that women of all kind will have high respect for other women and for themselves and totally REFUSE to be a mistress. Like what you said, it is only PAIN that is common to all parties involved.

    • Yeah, you’re right. Respect is the key.

  2. id

    Well, I don’t really know what to say. I don’t want to judge the mistress, your husband, or you. I just wish you well. That despite your present circumstances, you’d still have good health and sound mind to deal with other also important aspects of your life.

  3. I cam from a broken family.. and not just by one mistress but a lot! and I think my father is not yet done with it..

    my take on this? No No to home wrecking!

    • Yeah sis…it just puzzles and disappoints me how people can be cruel. Take care!

  4. Sabi ko nga kay M, gows lang siya kung dumating yung time na hindi siya makaiwas sa tukso. Basta wag lang siya pahuhuli sa akin. Pag nahuli? Putol patotoy. 😀

    • hahaha…natawa naman ako dito 🙂

    • hahaha… Panalo ang Putol Patotoy 🙂

      Ako naman sabi ko basta sakin ang anak ko, kaya takot lang ng mister ko hahaha

    • Haha…good one

  5. I don’t know what drives them to do it. The thrill? The excitement? But I just hope walang home wreckers. Ang lungkot kasi.

    • Yeah, sad noh? But the thing is, meron talaga and I don’t understand why

  6. Hay nako, this hits too close to home. But I’ve stopped worrying and carrying the pain na because it really doesn’t do me any good.

    • This topic is close to my heart because I know of friends going through this now, and I can feel the pain. It’s just difficult and unfair.

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