Depression

Ohhh…I thought I’ve published this last week already.  Sorry for the late post.

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When the news of Robin Williams’ passing broke out yesterday morning (PH time), and it was mentioned that he took his life because of depression, I can’t help but wonder what drives one to go over the edge. How do you know that you are suffering from severe depression and not just a mere patch of sadness.

I won’t claim to be an expert on this because I’m not.  I just knew that I experienced a mild post-partum depression.  Days after the lil girl was born, I was crying and can’t stop it even if I know I should be happy – new mom, cute baby, understanding husband, supportive family.  In short, bakit pa ko iiyak???!!!  I was living a good life.  But there I was then, sobbing every few hours, feeling helpless/ hopeless especially when Lian cries and asks for my milk, which I don’t have.  It frustrates me even more that my body’s not cooperating – I can’t even produce a squirt of goddamn milk!

Thank God my OB explained to me that I was just having baby blues.  And I snapped out of it after 2 months when I was about to report back for work.

I may not have experienced it full blown but I know that it’s a scary place.  Something that I wouldn’t want to go back to, something that I dread when I was about to give birth to Kobe because I really don’t want to go through it again.  It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s really just you’re in a dark place in your life.  So now I imagine what it might have been for those who decide to kill one’s self not to experience it anymore.

Must have been hell….and maybe leaving that shit hole in whatever form feels like heaven.

 

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