About Death

Please allow me to talk about this serious subject as this has been in my mind lately especially since my hubby’s grandmother passed away very recently.  I’d like to use this post as my little way of celebrating her life.

When I heard about Lola’s passing, my immediate thought was Papa (hubby’s dad) is now an orphan (like me).  He and his siblings lost their dad in 2006.  They also had some siblings (1 brother and 2 sisters, I think) who went ahead, and I didn’t get to meet them anymore.  It was actually not much of a surprise anymore since Lola had been weak the past few months.  There’s a bit of regret though that we weren’t able to visit her and she had not seen Kobe.  The last time we saw her as a family was Christmas 2012 when we went for a quick peep in her toy store. She was so lively and energetic then – just like the way when I was first introduced to her by hubby.

Anyway, her passing got me thinking if it’s different if you lose your parents late in life or when you lose them like when I lost mine.  I guess the pain is no different.  It’s the same lingering feeling of loss and longing. Maybe the difference only lies in the acceptance.  For me, it took a while for the reality to sink in that I lost both my parents in a span of a week. Although my Dad had been sick for quite a time then, it’s still hard to accept that he’s gone at 69 years old.  It was doubly hard when it was my Mom.  She’s weak but her past doctor visits showed no sign that she’ll immediately follow Dad.  After that twin heartbreak, I experienced palpitations for reason our family doctor can’t also explain.  It’s as if all my emotions are running one after the other and it became one jumble of a mess.  That’s the time I stopped having coffee everyday and just indulge myself with a Grande once in awhile (which I completely stopped when I got pregnant).

So when Lola passed, it’s not that we weren’t sad because we are and I know that Papa and his siblings definitely are.  But there’s also I think and this is just based on my observation, a sense of peace.  Peace that you know she won’t suffer and get hurt anymore.  I guess this is the same feeling when it was my own Lola who passed away in 2002.  Sad but also (for lack of a better term) just okay.

I know I’m not to judge if someone lived a full life or anything but I think that Lola lived hers well.  Have fun in heaven, Lola!  Please if you’ll see Mom and Dad (in my world, I’m hoping you will), say hi and hug them for me. Thank you!

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